Who do you know yourself to be? And how did you learn that? Growing up in the United States, I understood something very clearly: I was American because I was born here. I remember being about 10 years old and getting into an argument with a family friend who insisted that I was Chinese. I told him, “I’m American.” “No, you’re Chinese.” Back and forth we went until I was screaming at the top of my lungs, “I AM AMERICAN!” At that age, identity felt simple. I was born in Americ

In 2024, my friend and fellow CTI coach Julie Wong called me and said: “We need a retreat. Do you want to do it with me?” I said yes. I didn’t know what it would entail. It was mostly blind trust and curiosity. At the time, we were both craving something online connection couldn’t fully provide. We appreciated gathering virtually, but we wanted to really know the women in our community—to share space, meals, stories, and experiences together. So we launched our first Asian Wo

I hear this a lot from my clients: “Is this the right decision?” “What if I make the wrong choice?” As a coach, I don’t tell my clients what is right or wrong. Instead, I ask them to zoom out and imagine they are 80 years old, looking back at this moment. To see a bigger picture and to experience what it's like to choose from your future self. What would that version of you tell you? Many of us are taught early to think in terms of right and wrong. We are rewarded for getting

We are in perpetual transition now more than ever. Pleasant transitions tend to be the ones we can control: changing jobs, starting a new relationship, or reaching a milestone. These are often the transitions we’re excited to post about on LinkedIn and share with the people around us. Then there are transitions that hold more mixed feelings: birthdays, changing seasons, holidays, and life milestones. Sometimes we may simply be following the “path” we’ve been sold: go to colle

It’s that time of year again. You’ve spent 11 months working toward every metric and expectation. You’ve asked for feedback along the way, hoping to be ranked at the top relative to your peers. Then you hear it: you met expectations. WHAT?! The feedback from your manager is vague. You’re told to try again next year. I’ve seen this scenario unfold repeatedly in my HR career. I’ve sat in countless rooms where employees are discussed and evaluated. Some managers advocate hard fo

A personal story of learning to speak up, delegate, and lead without losing my cultural values At PoPo's (maternal grandmother) house Navigating Cultural Tensions in Corporate America Entering Corporate America as someone raised with Chinese and Eastern cultural values brought a tension I didn’t have language for at the time. I knew how to work hard. I knew how to be reliable. I knew how to read the room and respect authority. What I didn’t know was how to speak up. In my fir

It's been awhile since I've blogged and had an update for you all. I, too, get caught up in life and work. My attention was pulled in every direction and I was multi-tasking to the point of no return, until COVID-19 hit the U.S. During the transition to work from home, I found myself overwhelmed with the amount of news coming from both the media and my well-informed friends in our group chats. I didn't even know where to start with processing the "stress" I was feeling. I u

For a long time, I thought I knew who I was. Or maybe more accurately, I knew how to describe myself. I had collected identities that made sense to the world around me. Identities that felt acceptable, respectable, and easy to understand. But life has a way of disrupting the parts of us that no longer fit. For me, that disruption came through a heartbreaking divorce. It unraveled the life I had built, the roles I had committed to, and the version of myself I thought I was sup

In the last few years, I've watched relationships shift and evolve - some moving into marriage and celebration, and others ending in divorce and breakups. A few people who've gone through the breakups asked me, "What it's look like from the other end?" My answer, "Oh my god, it's better than I could have ever imagined." with a giant smile. It's easy to say those words now but in the midst of it all - in the dark swirling storm of emotions and hurt, it feels like it'll never

The process of divorce feels like it’s never truly done, there remains moment and triggers we aren’t aware of-a moment in thought, a moment of the past pops up in our heads, a place or city that once frequented…I think you all get what I’m saying, the past triggers us! 2 years post divorce I recall becoming very upset by my ex asking about a password for an IPAD via email and at first I was like cool let’s get this resolved. But as each email that came through, there was co

The wound is where the light enters you. One of the gifts of divorce and break ups is that it teaches you a whole lot about yourself....You learn how to navigate the 7 Stages of Grief.... Expectations: My linear brain thought it would happen in this order.... Stage 1: Desperate for Answers Stage 2: Denial Stage 3: Bargaining Stage 4: Relapse Stage 5: Anger Stage 6: Initial Acceptance Stage 7: Redirected Hope Reality: What really happened... Stage 1: Desperate for Answers Stag

The idea of divorce didn't exist in my family, it was only people we knew of but no one close to my family ever divorced. Divorce was not a topic that was discussed in the Chinese/Chinese American Community. With no exposure to divorce or how to deal with this , I was shocked by my own divorce back in 2016. I was 29 years old, newly married to my college sweetheart of 10 years living in the heart of Silicon Valley. My life as I knew it was shattered and I was in shock. I r